Therapy for Non-Monogamous People
AKA Therapy for ENM/CNM Individuals, Couples, and Polycules
At CUCUMBER, we offer affirming and understanding support for individuals and partners navigating ethical non-monogamy (ENM), polyamory, and involved in Melbourne’s kink scene. These ways of relating can be deeply fulfilling, expansive, and identity-affirming — and, like all relationships, they come with their own complexities.
Whether you're opening up a relationship, processing jealousy, navigating power exchange dynamics, establishing boundaries, or dealing with stigma from others, we create space for your experiences to be explored with nuance and care. We don’t assume dysfunction — we recognise the emotional depth, intentionality, and personal insight often involved in these communities.
Plus, like everyone, ENM people have everyday mental health challenges too and deserve affirming healthcare.
Doing relationships differently is becoming increasingly common - especially in progressive cities like Melbourne.
Yet it can be challenging to find a therapist who not only accepts people without judgement, but has a specialised set of skills, knowledge, and lived experience to work with the relationally diverse population.
As ENM and open relationships become more popularised in the media, more people are drawn to it. Attracting lots of different people with different backgrounds.
The non-monogamous population are not all alike. They have different needs in therapy. ENM Therapy is not one thing. It is a skillset for how every other type of therapy is conducted.
Human beings sexuality exists on multiple spectrums, and the monogamous to polyamorous relational spectrum is one of them. Many people attempt to fit themselves into the prescribed box of monogamy and find it unnatural, and choose to turn towards cheating rather than face the difficulty of communicating honestly with their partner and risk the breakdown of the relationship they cherish.
It’s understandable. And it’s hurtful.
Coming to a psychotherapist who specialises in non-monogamy, open relationships, and sexuality is helpful, whether that be exploring individual needs or as a couple.
Traditionally, people who already didn’t fit into societal norms felt the freedom to further challenge the norms of monogamy.
There is a large intersection between the ENM, neurodivergent, LGBTQIA+, kink, and sex worker communities.
They have led the way in advanced discussions about relational communication, navigating difficult emotions, alternative structures, and letting go of the “shoulds” in favour of finding what works for the people involved in the relationships.
Their wisdom is honoured, and people who identify as part of this group often report loving therapy at CUCUMBER.
At CUCUMBER, there are a few themes that emerge with clients who are either already ethically non-monogamous in some way, or are curious about it.
The first is attachment distress. The number one driver for relational distress across the board. There is a reason polyamorous people are often called “relationship nerds”, it takes work to navigate multiple people’s needs, emotions, expectations, and attachment styles. It can be helpful to have a neutral professional help identify patterns of how different attachment styles are interacting and support everyone to feel a greater sense of security.
The second theme is generalised trauma and mental health concerns.
For people who are non-monogamous, in open relationships, the kink-community, or sex workers, it is extremely helpful to have a therapist who will not pathologise a part of their life that might be one of the biggest resource in their life.
Having more healthy attachments in life is greatly enriching! Or utilising kink and structured sexual play as a way to establish a sense of safety after trauma and start to move the fear through the body in a productive way can be very healing!
The third theme is related to the individuals and couples who are considering non-monogamy, but there is uncertainty about it. There is a strong push/pull between excitement and fear which can result in feeling like two parts of self, or the two people in the relationship, are battling each other to win the argument. No one wants to feel like they are living in an endless argument.
Opening up a previously monogamous relationship can introduce a sense of instability that previously wasn’t there. This is hard to navigate alone.